Where do I go from here?

I have big dreams and a passport that allows me to think that I could one day fulfill them.

I want to go places. I long to do things I never have. I am creating a sort of “Bucket List” but not because I’m dying. I just feel like I want to sometimes. So, maybe if I make this list, it will give me the determination to keep going, to get over the hump, and find the happiness I so desire.

Here goes:

1. Visit Japan and find an authentic kimono that will fit me and revel in its silken softness against my skin. Trim a bonsai tree pruning away the unwanted branches, creating art that will grow and change each day. Admire a natural beauty like cherry blossoms with a mountainous backdrop and be grateful for being able to inhale their perfumes in such an exotic setting.
2. Visit China during Chinese New Year, taking in the joy of those around me who are celebrating the continuation of love, life and family for another 365 days. Taste the cuisine of the country as it actually should be made, not covered in fried batter and served with a sticky red muck. Walk the Great Wall, realizing that very large walls have their time and place for being useful, but that walls that were once useful in practicality can stay around a long time without true purpose.
3. Visit Ireland in Spring. To be graced by the spirits of my ancestors as they teach me that renewal is a wonderful thing, with the new life of spring surrounding me like warm welcoming arms, knowing that even the dead can teach us something about family loyalty and patience. Even if my body cannot bring forth a new life in Spring, my heart and spirit can, and I should open it back up to love from others.
4. Go to the Taj Mahal. Visiting an icon of true and lasting love, realizing that it is possible if you allow it. At the same time, learning that obsession with one’s heart can be consuming and devastating if you allow it. Taking in the beauty of the pools and fountains as they constantly trickle their voices in my ears crying to me to soothe my hurt and to leave my tears from love with them and start anew.
5. Explore the pyramids of Egypt, to realize that building monuments to yourself does nothing but leave an opportunity for others to rob from you what you valued. Learning that one should use it now, share it now, and let what you have done for and in the world be your monument. Take time to enjoy the art and wonderment of it all, knowing that humanity in all its flaws can create lasting decadence for others to appreciate and submit their souls to.
6. Visit South Africa and learn that there are, among those who are wealthy, the poor that are happy and peaceful and grateful for what they have. Commune with those who have fought for what they believe in, for trying to bring together people of all colors and diversities and allowing them to have the rights and equality they deserve. To graze on their courage and strength, taking it in and hopefully becoming more courageous and strong from the experience.

Six items may seem like a short list.

If I ever have the chance to do ANY of the items on that list, I will have been given the greatest gift ever. Any of those experiences would be enrichment enough to carry through a lifetime.

I want to dance, sing, love and live this life I have been given.

Now I just need to find the strength and courage to figure out… where do I go from here??